The desperate guy – joke A slender small guy in a bar was looking to the glass of beer in front of him.
A strong build bully entered and sees the small guy. Getting closer he slammed the guy on both cheeks and drunk his beer.
The small guy started crying, desperation in his eyes, pulling his hair.
The bully: “what kind of a man are you to make such a circus for a beer?” The small guy: “All started this morning and lasted the whole day. In the morning I found my wife left me after she emptied our bank account. At the office my boss fired me. I tried to kill myself and jumped in front of the train, but the train changed lines only feet away. Then I tried to hang myself but the rope broke. My last chance was here at the bar, I bought a beer and put poison in it, but you came and drunk it.”
ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.” Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.” Americans: “This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.” Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.” Americans: “THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT’S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.” Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”
Q: what is the understanding of a blonde about “protected sex”? A: locking the car’s doors.
**************************** Four friends, girls, were together in a park. All of a sudden, the red-haired said: “I will tell my boyfriend about all my past adventures.” The brown-haired: “That is stupidity!” The brunette: “That is courage!” The blonde: “That is good memory!”
A driver was happy driving in the country-side, looking around to the beautiful scenery. He did not pay attention the asphalt ended and the road was very muddy ahead. Too late, his sport car was stuck before he could stop the car. He tried, but in vain, the car was cemented.
A farmer passed by, on the horseback of a huge horse. “Can you help me? “asked the frustrated driver. “Sure. It will cost you fifty dollars.”
No problem, the horse did the trick and pulled out the car. “Luckily you were around,” said the driver after he payed the fifty dollars.
“I stay around all day, you are the driver number four for the day who I saved, and it is not noon yet.”
“And when do you work the land?”
“Well,” said the farmer, “night time I am busy pouring water in this place.”
A guy opened the barber's door and asked the barber how long he has to wait for a hair cut. Being a busy day, the hairdresser looked around and responded: "About two hours." The guy left in a hurry.
Few days later the same guy entered the barber shop and asked again how long he has to wait for a hair cut. Being a crowded day again, the barber looked around and answered: "About three hours." And again, the guy left in a hurry and did not come back.
Few days later the same story repeats.
The barber, already curious, asked his disciple Ben: “Ben, follow the guy and see what on earth is he doing.” Ben obeyed and run after the guy. He was back in twenty minutes.
“Well,” said the barber, “where did this guy go after he left?” Ben, all smiles, replied: “At your house.”
I know why USA government has to help farmers financially.
Most people believe that USA farmers need financial help because of US-China trade war. Let me tell you the real reason; it is because of me. When I go to grocery store I look on the labels; I buy if it is Ontario product, then I look for Canada product… and there is no third option. Before all this non-sense trade war started by US I did not see the labels, now I do. What bothered me the most was the reason enunciated by president Trump: USA has a negative commercial balance with Canada, and he kept saying it. All news channels I looked at, both US and Canadians, bothering to ask experts, said the opposite, Canada has a negative commercial balance with USA.
I analyzed my experience: I buy on-line from US sites, I spend vacations in US, I take cruises… and none of the companies I worked for sell in USA. It is true, I did not work for companies using Canadian “natural resources”, manufacturing or farming, still, my own experience is in line with what news channels (but not president Trump) are saying.
Let’s say one day all will be back to normal. Too late, I know now about the labels.
When I turn my TV on US news these days, it is mostly about Jon McCain’s death. RIP. I honestly appreciated his work as a senator and his standings when he run for the US president. I honestly do. Remarkable.
But for me he was not a hero. I hate war, and if you read my books you will see it plain and simple. As a pilot John McCain’s jet fighter dropped bombs over populated areas, killing people, good and bad. He truly believed he served his country and when he became a POW he showed what he is made of; but still not a hero. Killing people in the name of an idea is not hero. Those sending people to fight take advantage of their credulity. Just think of Trump who found a way to cheat the system and avoid going for fight in Vietnam, then mocked John McCain when he run for president. These are the very bad guys (Trump-like guys), soldiers like McCain are just silly pawns.
I will give you some examples. If you visit Mongolia you will see Genghis Khan statues in the most visible places, the biggest national hero. But he killed millions to fulfill his maniacal dream; starting from nothing he built the biggest empire existing on Earth before him. Is he a hero or a monster? Depends who you ask. Same for Alexander the Great, Napoleon, and believe it or not there are many considering Stalin and Hitler as heroes.
Killing people under the umbrella of an ideology, political differences, religion intolerance, cultural or language differences is still a murder, not punished by rules of law, because the rulers use the means of war for their advantage, and they make the rules.
Question: What US president prolonged a war only to win re-election? Hint: we talk about the same Vietnam war.
This morning CNN early news brought again in the spotlight the case of those pedophile priests. More then 300 “fathers” with serious predatory allegations against kids. Is something worse than that? Let’s stick to numbers. More that 300 in Pennsylvania alone, and there are 50 US states. And my take is that the phenomena is not happening only in US. And wait, Catholicism is not the only faith worshiping God. There are Anglicans, Protestants, Christian Orthodox, and many-many sects. Are all priests with this wicked appetite migrating to Catholicism because the church protects them? Personally, I do not think so. The church is supposing to educate and protect our souls. Instead, many pretending doing so are killing our souls; and their attack is against the most vulnerable among us, the kids. I saw a documentary where some of those abused as kids by priests, talked about their experience when they became adults. I hardly can imagine a most damaging experience. One remembered a fellow kid committing suicide. The pleasure of vicious priests suggests the lack of empathy toward the victim. Guess what? They were supposed to be understanding, compassionate and directing. They are quite the opposite, seems to me their boss is the devil. And the church does what? Cover it all, moving them from one parish to another, so, the abused and their relative and friends loose track of them. I have two questions:
Do the leaders of the church believe in God? Hint: Protecting the soul murderers suggests the opposite.
First, I am a music lover, I dance when a song is inspiring, and I know for sure I danced on some of Aretha Franklin’s melodies. I am sorry every time an artist bringing some sun in my life dies. RIP Aretha Franklin.
Yesterday I saw on TV her pastor, saying he will pray God to help and heal the artist. And next day she is dead.
I think the guy is a joke. Did he pray? Or he only said it because his parish expected him to say it?
Let’s say he prayed. But God did not save her. His pray was useless. My question is: what kind of knowledge substantiated his statement? Did he know God is listening? And if God is listening, is He doing this kind of activities?
Now I am serious and tell you what I think. People like the priest I am talking about turned me away from faith. I think “something might be out there” but guys like that pastor have no clue what they talk about, just take advantage of credulous people ready to believe anything someone dressed in clerical clothes says. By the way, another news of the day is about more than 300 pastors in Pennsylvania (alone!) accused of sexual abuse. Did all pastors with bad habits moved to Pennsylvania? You do the math.
This past week-end I had to kill some time downtown Toronto, waiting for my wife; she participated in an event, few hours long.
I stopped in a park somewhere on Queen Street West. It was a little bit hot outside, but in the shadows of some big trees was quite right. I found a very wide bench in the shadows of a near-by building; I took-off my shoes and stretched my legs on the bench; it felt good after a 15 km walk.
I Enjoyed myself looking to passers-by people. At a certain point, a guy, eating from a cassolette, dropped it when finished, and the garbage bin was only 3-4 meters away! Note: I picked it up and dropped it in the garbage bin.
Some time later another guy passed-by eating a sandwich. He stopped near the garbage bin, finished eating, drank all the content of a plastic bottle, and dropped the sandwich paper and the bottle in the right bin.
I tried to remember how many times I saw people dropping things on the street, and how many times they did the right thing. More often then not, I remembered people doing what we expect from educated individuals. I do not have a scientific study, but I might say, more then 90% were the good ones.
Looking around, I see many-many cigarette buts. And right there, memories about smokers came to mind. I remembered seeing people smoking in their cars (driver window down, dropping the ashes on the road). All cases I remembered, after finishing they dropped it on the street. Note: every car has ash-trays.
Then I remembered people smoking on the street; same thing, the cigarette ended up on the walk-way. Even worse, I saw many smoking near a garbage-can having special tray for cigars, but the smokers preferred dropping them. Note: after the law forbidding smoking inside buildings, most (if not all) business buildings have those ash-trays near all doors; and I saw the smoker preferring to drop the cigar then placing it in the tray, 1-2 meters away.
OK, there were exceptions, and once again, I do not have a scientific study, but my guess is that the percentage is the other way around, 90% of smokers drop their cigars on the street.
I am not a smoker, and here I am in the assumption territory. They might think that cigars are small and do not hurt the eye as much as bigger garbage, besides, it is theirs, and maybe look nice down on the street.
I would like to remind them that I do not mind my fart, does not smell very ugly for me, and who knows, maybe for the smokers as well, smell nice.