​Drunkards jokes

 
A guy enters a restaurant and asks for a bottle of wine and 2 glasses. After filling in the 2 glasses, drinks from one glass, changes seats and drinks from the other.

“Why are you doing this?” asks the waiter.

“One glass is for me, and the other for a friend that is a sailor, he is on the sea now.”

One month later the guy shows up again at the restaurant and asks for a bottle of wine and  only one glass. He starts drinking when the waiter comes by: “What happened to your friend?”
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“My friend is OK, it is about me” answered the guy. “I decided to quit drinking.”
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Three drunkards on the railroad.
One says:  “There are too many stairs in this building.”
Second: “And the railings are too cold.”
Third: “It seems the elevator is coming.”
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​“I do not understand why I am here at the police station?”
“For drinking” said the officer.
 “Good, give me another brandy bottle.”
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A drunkard in a bus repeats continuously: “I do not care, I do not care...”
After a while a lady asks: “What don’t you care, man?”
“If I pi on my right or left foot.” 
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